Friday, August 17, 2012

Las Vegas Oddsmakers Have Laid Down The Morning Line for ROY 12

Danville, CA 8/17/12....Head Oddsmaker Vondii has created the morning line...

In the spirit of the 2012 London Olympics, this years “Rookie of the Year” odds for Oktoberfest 2012 are broken down into three categories:  Gold Favorites, Silver Favorites, and Bronze Favorites.   19 regions of the U.S. and Europe represented, multiple branches of the military represented, and multiple relatives of long time Oktoberfest stalwarts will make their first time pilgrimage to the Holy Grail of Beer Consumption.  Was their training enough?  Did they partake in PED’s (Performance enhancing Drinking)?  Will they bring their A game, or drink like the Chinese and South Koreans play badminton early to set themselves up for Epic One night performances that will leave a lasting impression on the voting committee.  We will soon find out.  Gold and Silver Favorites have real shots at taking home the coveted hat, but the Bronze favorites have about as much of a chance as the Jamaicans do in bobsledding.    Good luck to all the rookie participants, and remember, the committee is always watching, always evaluating, and from the beginning of your journey until the final vote is cast, EVERYTHING you do is under scrutiny.   Every move you make, or don’t make, may cost you the 100th of a point you need to earn the hat.  Many have tried and failed before you, but only a few have given performances worthy of Gold.  Without further ado, here are the odds.

Gold Favorites.
Rabbit- Unbelievable pressure to represent the Sanchez clan and the high expectations.  We won’t go into the details of how he earned his nickname, but we hope that his drinking pace matches the pace of which he does other things. 

Supremo-Offsping of Der Pudge.  Early line on this kid is that as a USC graduate, and an engineer, he thinks that he can win by outsmarting the rest of the rookie group.   Odds makers suggest you get with Previous ROY offspring winner and review his actions…  no intelligence required.  There is no room in the tent for calculations and Trojan Lore.  Get in, Get dirty, and absolutely forget everything that the education that your dad dropped coin on taught you, and just cut loose.  Your advantage is your age, not your education.

Herr Doctor-Continuing the possibility of the Medical profession goes 3 for 3 on winning ROY.  Diagnosis on the Doc is that his eagerness may jeopardize his sustainability for the long haul.   He must reach into his prescription bag of tricks and pace himself.  Even though he rode the pine at UCLA, there is some bit of athleticism left in him, and that may be just enough to push him onto the podium. 

French Silk- If you can get past this name, there is a real player here.   The word on the street is that he has game with the ladies, his idol is Mario (‘07’09), and his nickname comes from the garments he is planning on wearing under his lederhosen.  Word to the wise, leather and silk don’t match, unless one is a whip and the other is underwear.   Of the Gold favorites, Frenchie is the long shot, but if the inner Midwesterner comes out, he could see gold.

Cirrhosis Maximus-Huge move on Maximus’s part.  Could have put many thing in front of Maximus, but was afraid to be called on it and have to prove it.  He is relying on shorting the name in the tent to just Maximus .  Could work, could not work.  Only he and his roommate will know…..

Silver Favorites
T-T-Going stealth on the nickname,  T-T is opting to keep its meaning a secret.  His hope is to spark conversation with committee members regarding the meaning, and to cement a lasting impression on each of them, while feeding them beer.  Could back fire, could be a stroke of Genius.  Only time will tell.  For this odds maker, I think it stands for what you all will see when you look down the female dirndl in the tents.  Although I would have gone with T-T’s.

Special K- Another in a long list of “Special” participants that the Hacker Herrn has had participate in this off the charts party.  “K” has the Euro thing going for him, and his knowledge of the language gives him a clear advantage over the other rookies.  But could it be his demise.  Past rookies have set themselves apart by trying to communicate with hand gestures, facial expressions, and charades because they only speak English (see: Ugly American).  The Special in Special K must appear quickly and remain for the duration.  The only question is “What makes him Special”

Fahrfromsober- Endearing himself to the German culture,  he could be the toast of the town or the butt of endless “Farh…..”  jokes.  See German word for laxative:Farhfrompoopin…..or German word for abstenance:Fahrfromfuckin…or German word for Bronze Favorites:Fahrfromwinnin……You get the point.  Fahrfromsober better not be Farhfromtentin to make sure he is Closetowinnin…..

Drunkenfuhl-see Fahrfromsober odds.  You get the picture.

Himmelmeister-A pilot in his former life,  Himmelmaster is  looking forward to drinking on the plane over the pond….legally!  Himmelfarter knows the region,  Himmelshimmel knows the people, and Himmelshanker has what it takes to land on the podium.  Hopefully Himmelhymal gets the proper coordinates for the gold, and navigates his way to victory.

Double Down 30- Had to appeal to the International committee for OFEST’s goers to get his rookie status reinstated.  Has been in the tents with this group in the past as a red shirt (Not Orange…because the Germans hate the Dutch), and finally decided that this year he was not going to be a tight ass with the money and actually decided to pony up and do it right.  Will his glimpse of the inside give him an inside tract to the podium? 

Bronze Favorites (aka…long shots)
Cali and Mikey likes it!  Every year there are the guys that have their name in their nickname.  Callahan=Cali and Mike=Mikey likes it.  The odds makers struggle with lack of expression, originality, and creativity on this front, and puts these guys way behind the Silver and Gold Favorites.  Good bloodlines here though, with Cali and a surprise upset by either of these guys could happen….not.

El Capitan-Really?  The captain?  Out of the shoot?  Calling your Shot per Say…?  There is only one other before you that has gone out on a limb that far, and frankly we have never been able to get him Back.  You will meet him.  You will love him. And You will never equal him.  They call him “7”.  The odds makers applaud your bravery, good luck equaling it.

Golfschlager- Not on Par with this one.  There are no sand wedges or pitching wedges to get you out of trouble in this event.  Leave your rescue club at home, make sure you clean your balls thoroughly before you leave, and pray that you hit them straight.  Because if you go off the fairway on this course,  the penalty strokes are severe, and there are no mulligans!

Wild Bill- This just in.  See Cali and Mikey Likes it.

Schwaben-See Wild Bill:  Also See Cali and Mikey Like it.

Fubar-If there was every a chance to have a nickname for an event this is it.  Fubar may have bitten off more than he can chew with this one.  In the long history of the trip, many fubar’s come to mind.  Bus rides, nights at the police station, hill of shame visitors, hendel thieves, and many other incidents involving Fubar’s haunt the rookies.  Just remember, even though you may be Fubar, the committee is watching.

Kluger Esel-Aka Smart Ass.  Um…have you met the Germans?  Not really a great sense of Humor.  Lots of square architecture.  Gray is the color of Choice.  Not a long list of German comics to chose from.  You will grow tired of explaining the meaning of this to them, and as a result cut into your drinking time.  Be Patient, drink lots before you go in the tent, and especially don’t Kluger Esel to the guys in the riot gear…because those guys really don’t have a sense of humor.  Ask any of our guys who have been carried out by their arms and legs….really. 

Good luck to all, Go for the Gold, and remember, If you are lucky enough to take home the Hat,  there are certain responsibilities that come with it.  Don’t take them lightly, and ensure that you carry on the tradition of Roys before you.  You have chosen an arduous task to accomplish, and only one of you will reach the ultimate goal.

(Footnote: The odds makers have reviewed the petition filed on behalf of Roy ‘07.  We regret to inform you that you petition to be considered as a candidate for Roy 12 has been denied.  As has your petition for Roy’08, Roy’09,Roy’10,and Roy’11.  The committee respectfully request that you seek counseling, get a life, and move on from the whole ROY thing.  Really.  Move on.  Its over.  You can only win once.  You did.  Now go away.  Although the Mass tracker almost put you back in, until we realized how creepy your infatuation is with this thing.)

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