Danville, CA 8/17/12....Head Oddsmaker Vondii has created the morning line...
In the spirit of the 2012 London Olympics, this years
“Rookie of the Year” odds for Oktoberfest 2012 are broken down into three
categories: Gold Favorites, Silver
Favorites, and Bronze Favorites. 19
regions of the U.S. and Europe represented, multiple branches of the military
represented, and multiple relatives of long time Oktoberfest stalwarts will
make their first time pilgrimage to the Holy Grail of Beer Consumption. Was their training enough? Did they partake in PED’s (Performance
enhancing Drinking)? Will they bring
their A game, or drink like the Chinese and South Koreans play badminton early
to set themselves up for Epic One night performances that will leave a lasting
impression on the voting committee. We
will soon find out. Gold and Silver
Favorites have real shots at taking home the coveted hat, but the Bronze
favorites have about as much of a chance as the Jamaicans do in
bobsledding. Good luck to all the
rookie participants, and remember, the committee is always watching, always evaluating,
and from the beginning of your journey until the final vote is cast, EVERYTHING
you do is under scrutiny. Every move
you make, or don’t make, may cost you the 100th of a point you need
to earn the hat. Many have tried and
failed before you, but only a few have given performances worthy of Gold. Without further ado, here are the odds.
Gold Favorites.
Rabbit- Unbelievable pressure to represent the Sanchez clan
and the high expectations. We won’t go
into the details of how he earned his nickname, but we hope that his drinking
pace matches the pace of which he does other things.
Supremo-Offsping of Der Pudge. Early line on this kid is that as a USC
graduate, and an engineer, he thinks that he can win by outsmarting the rest of
the rookie group. Odds makers suggest
you get with Previous ROY offspring winner and review his actions… no intelligence required. There is no room in the tent for calculations
and Trojan Lore. Get in, Get dirty, and
absolutely forget everything that the education that your dad dropped coin on
taught you, and just cut loose. Your
advantage is your age, not your education.
Herr Doctor-Continuing the possibility of the Medical
profession goes 3 for 3 on winning ROY. Diagnosis
on the Doc is that his eagerness may jeopardize his sustainability for the long
haul. He must reach into his
prescription bag of tricks and pace himself.
Even though he rode the pine at UCLA, there is some bit of athleticism
left in him, and that may be just enough to push him onto the podium.
French Silk- If you can get past this name, there is a real
player here. The word on the street is
that he has game with the ladies, his idol is Mario (‘07’09), and his nickname
comes from the garments he is planning on wearing under his lederhosen. Word to the wise, leather and silk don’t
match, unless one is a whip and the other is underwear. Of the Gold favorites, Frenchie is the long
shot, but if the inner Midwesterner comes out, he could see gold.
Cirrhosis Maximus-Huge move on Maximus’s part. Could have put many thing in front of
Maximus, but was afraid to be called on it and have to prove it. He is relying on shorting the name in the tent
to just Maximus . Could work, could not
work. Only he and his roommate will
know…..
Silver Favorites
T-T-Going stealth on the nickname, T-T is opting to keep its meaning a
secret. His hope is to spark
conversation with committee members regarding the meaning, and to cement a lasting
impression on each of them, while feeding them beer. Could back fire, could be a stroke of
Genius. Only time will tell. For this odds maker, I think it stands for
what you all will see when you look down the female dirndl in the tents. Although I would have gone with T-T’s.
Special K- Another in a long list of “Special” participants
that the Hacker Herrn has had participate in this off the charts party. “K” has the Euro thing going for him, and his
knowledge of the language gives him a clear advantage over the other
rookies. But could it be his
demise. Past rookies have set themselves
apart by trying to communicate with hand gestures, facial expressions, and charades
because they only speak English (see: Ugly American). The Special in Special K must appear quickly
and remain for the duration. The only
question is “What makes him Special”
Fahrfromsober- Endearing himself to the German culture, he could be the toast of the town or the butt
of endless “Farh…..” jokes. See German word for
laxative:Farhfrompoopin…..or German word for abstenance:Fahrfromfuckin…or German
word for Bronze Favorites:Fahrfromwinnin……You get the point. Fahrfromsober better not be Farhfromtentin to
make sure he is Closetowinnin…..
Drunkenfuhl-see Fahrfromsober odds. You get the picture.
Himmelmeister-A pilot in his former life, Himmelmaster is looking forward to drinking on the plane over
the pond….legally! Himmelfarter knows
the region, Himmelshimmel knows the
people, and Himmelshanker has what it takes to land on the podium. Hopefully Himmelhymal gets the proper
coordinates for the gold, and navigates his way to victory.
Double Down 30- Had to appeal to the International committee
for OFEST’s goers to get his rookie status reinstated. Has been in the tents with this group in the
past as a red shirt (Not Orange…because the Germans hate the Dutch), and
finally decided that this year he was not going to be a tight ass with the
money and actually decided to pony up and do it right. Will his glimpse of the inside give him an
inside tract to the podium?
Bronze Favorites (aka…long shots)
Cali and Mikey likes it!
Every year there are the guys that have their name in their
nickname. Callahan=Cali and Mike=Mikey
likes it. The odds makers struggle with
lack of expression, originality, and creativity on this front, and puts these
guys way behind the Silver and Gold Favorites.
Good bloodlines here though, with Cali and a surprise upset by either of
these guys could happen….not.
El Capitan-Really? The
captain? Out of the shoot? Calling your Shot per Say…? There is only one other before you that has
gone out on a limb that far, and frankly we have never been able to get him
Back. You will meet him. You will love him. And You will never equal
him. They call him “7”. The odds makers applaud your bravery, good
luck equaling it.
Golfschlager- Not on Par with this one. There are no sand wedges or pitching wedges
to get you out of trouble in this event.
Leave your rescue club at home, make sure you clean your balls
thoroughly before you leave, and pray that you hit them straight. Because if you go off the fairway on this
course, the penalty strokes are severe,
and there are no mulligans!
Wild Bill- This just in.
See Cali and Mikey Likes it.
Schwaben-See Wild Bill:
Also See Cali and Mikey Like it.
Fubar-If there was every a chance to have a nickname for an
event this is it. Fubar may have bitten
off more than he can chew with this one.
In the long history of the trip, many fubar’s come to mind. Bus rides, nights at the police station, hill
of shame visitors, hendel thieves, and many other incidents involving Fubar’s
haunt the rookies. Just remember, even
though you may be Fubar, the committee is watching.
Kluger Esel-Aka Smart Ass.
Um…have you met the Germans? Not
really a great sense of Humor. Lots of
square architecture. Gray is the color
of Choice. Not a long list of German
comics to chose from. You will grow
tired of explaining the meaning of this to them, and as a result cut into your
drinking time. Be Patient, drink lots
before you go in the tent, and especially don’t Kluger Esel to the guys in the
riot gear…because those guys really don’t have a sense of humor. Ask any of our guys who have been carried out
by their arms and legs….really.
Good luck to all, Go for the Gold, and remember, If you are
lucky enough to take home the Hat, there
are certain responsibilities that come with it.
Don’t take them lightly, and ensure that you carry on the tradition of
Roys before you. You have chosen an
arduous task to accomplish, and only one of you will reach the ultimate goal.
(Footnote: The odds makers have reviewed the petition filed
on behalf of Roy ‘07. We regret to
inform you that you petition to be considered as a candidate for Roy 12 has
been denied. As has your petition for
Roy’08, Roy’09,Roy’10,and Roy’11. The
committee respectfully request that you seek counseling, get a life, and move
on from the whole ROY thing.
Really. Move on. Its over. You can only win once. You did.
Now go away. Although the Mass
tracker almost put you back in, until we realized how creepy your infatuation
is with this thing.)
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